The Comparing Game

There’s just something nice about the start of a new school year. The smell of freshly sharpened yellow pencils, new art boxes along with a new schedules, classes, and unknown books to discover. Anticipation is in the air and the halls of learning have replaced months of footloose and fancy free summer living. You can almost taste the excitement as you jump out of the starting blocks.

Your heart pounds, and you feel the pure rush of adrenaline as you experience the race into the new school year…but THEN you glance to the side and see another mom whose kids are playing instruments and you think to yourself, “MY children should be playing the violin.” So you buy or rent a truck load of stringed instruments and announce to your children, “This is going to be fun.”

And for the first three days it is fun, but THEN you glance over and see another mom whose children are learning to paint with watercolors and you think to yourself, “That’s what we should be doing.” So you visit your local art supply store and load up on all kinds of supplies and announce to your children, “This should be fun.”

And it is for the first day and a half although it’s hard to find time to paint with homeshcooling, life, and violin lessons. THEN you glance over at yet another homeschooling mom who posts on her Facebook page that her children (all under the age of twelve) have started a home business and have saved enough to own a house…debt free.

“That’s what we should be doing,” you think to yourself. So you FORCE your husband into starting a family business so your children can earn a living and learn something along the way. And it’s a lot of fun…NEVER!!

By this time you’re exhausted, the kids are cranky and your husband isn’t talking to you, but still you look around and see all the neat things everyone else is doing and think to yourself, “That’s what we should be doing.”

Stop it. Stop playing the comparing game. It is a game where there are no winners. In fact, everyone loses. I know my wife plays it from time to time. In fact, I remember one time I was speaking at the New York State homeschool convention and was cruising the vendor hall during some down time.

At one point I heard live blue grass music being played from somewhere within the hall. Winding my way through the people I finally found the source of the music – a family with at least ten children playing blue grass music. Man, they were awesome dressed in their little matching Hee Haw outfits. I’m telling there was a tiny little kid on a mandolin just going to town.

That’s when I prayed a contagious prayer that struck me as funny and one that I’ve remembered all these years. I can remember standing in the crowd and praying, “Dear, God, please don’t let my wife SEE THIS.”

I just knew that if she did, she would feel like we were some sort of loser family because we didn’t play any instruments or have a family band. “I am not going to haul a big string bass around the county in my RV!“ I thought to myself.

Ever since then I’ve told the story a bunch of times to moms who feel the same way. I’d just about bet that you probably feel the same. You are constantly comparing yourself, your children, and worse yet, your husband, to other homeschooling families that you know or know of. AND IT’S KILLING YOU!!!!

Here’s the thing: you just be you and let those other families be them. If they like to play instruments, fine. If they like to paint ‘perty’ pictures, fine. If they run home businesses, take RV trips around the country, write novels, or compete in synchronized kick boxing, FINE.

Every family (including yours and mine) has it’s own giftedness from God. The trick is to do what you do and stop comparing your weaknesses against someone’s else’s strengths. My wife is tempted to do that.

My wife, Debbie, doesn’t like crafts. She doesn’t like the preparation, the mess, or the open-endedness. Her idea of an art project is to say to the kids, “Here’s some paper and crayons…draw something.” So when she goes over to a friend’s house who does like crafts and sees a full scale model of Jerusalem made out of paper mache on the kitchen table she comes home feeling like a failure.

Here’s the deal: my wife has gobs of strengths. She’s organized, disciplined, talented beyond measure, and breathtakingly beautiful. BUT she’s got weaknesses. Lots of them. Truth is no one is created with all the strengths. That’s what the Bible is talking about when it says that the body is made up of many members all with different abilities. Some members are toes, others are ears, or fingers. BUT no one is the ENTIRE body…including you.

You have weaknesses galore. The important thing is not to compare your weaknesses against someone else’s strengths. If you do, you’ll lose the comparison and you’ll spend all your days trying to be something you were not made to be.

You need to face the fact, that you (your kids or husband) may not ever play a musical instrument, paint a picture, own a home based business, travel the world in a sailboat, own your own little farm, spin yarn from yak hair, or have a ministry in churches.

Your children may not be able to carry a tune in a bucket, design their own clothes, or write stories that others will read, but they do have gifts and talents. Your job as a parent is to fan and enjoy those gifts. That’s the beauty of homeschooling.
So stop comparing your weaknesses against other’s strengths. Actually, you probably should stop comparing period. Because all comparing leads to either pride or misery. Both are destinations you should avoid.

Hey, would you mind if I gave you one more little nugget of advice from Todd, not from God? Facebook is the mega arena of the comparing game. The posts are filled with pictures of gourmet meals, angelic children, romantic marriages, and smoothly run homeschools. Only problem…it’s a LIE.

Those well meaning folks have only shown the triumphs and successes, not the down and dirty. I know more that one mom who has had to pull themselves away from the comparing arena so as not to…compare. Each time they visited Facebook they walked away feeling discouraged and eyeing their own family like the enemy of their success and happiness. Enough said.

So to wrap it up, enjoy the coming school year. Do what you do best and forget the rest. Go ahead and try it out, but if it doesn’t fit your family’s gifts and talents…toss it and don’t feel guilty. And when you visit your friend’s home and they are practicing their instruments, painting murals, or solving the problem of world hunger. Smile, be amazed, but DO NOT COMPARE!!!

You’re family is amazing. Just ask God.

Keep smiling,